In my college journey, I’ve grown to have a passion for emotional intelligence and understanding the emotional spectrum. This passion started with my upbringing and sparked when I found the book Emotional Agility by Sarah David. So in this post, I would like to highlight what I’ve learned from her book and how it’s been useful in my college career.
A skill that I find a lot of people are missing is of interpersonal understanding and how to navigate their thoughts and emotions. We get caught up in the moment but never consider what our emotions have to show us rather than showing our emotions.
Oftentimes people adopt emotional rigidity, the idea that emotions are negative/ positive or good/bad. This rigidity does not work in the complex world we live in. The only certainty is uncertainty. We live in contexts and circumstances that are constantly changing. It’s not realistic or healthy to lock down on emotions or bottle emotions. This Idea of only giving room and awareness to the “legitimate” emotions or what we are “supposed to feel” does not work in the world we live in. “When we push aside normal emotions to embrace false positivity- we lose our capacity to deal with the world as it is”.
Coming into college I struggled to get my intrusive thoughts in check. It was a constant battle to keep from falling into my emotions and continue with my day. It only got worse with the isolation and limitation to contact support groups during COVID-19. I found later that it’s scientifically proven that suppressing my emotions only made them stronger and more potent.
What helped me tremendously was changing how I thought about emotions. Emotions are not good or bad. They do not have some kind of motive for or against you, they just are. They are normal and natural responses to stimuli that are in the world around us.
Tough emotions are a part of life and the things most worth having are hard. In my relationship, I had to learn how to trust after fearing abuse all my life. I had to be vulnerable, share my insecurities, and show my true self before we could grow as a couple. After being closed off and guarded it was extremely difficult to try to trust someone with the most delicate parts of myself. But the hardship is worth it to have the beautiful relationship I am in today with my fiance.
Additionally, the stress of coursework and balancing my schedule is worth it for my career. I have struggled through long papers, presentations, and work to be where I am today. All of it will be worth it when I am in graduate school on scholarship.
I learned that denying my thoughts and emotions in exchange for what I “should be” experiencing is not healthy or productive. Instead, I change my mindset to use emotions as data. Our emotions show us what we value, care about, and can utilize them. In a way, emotions can be used as data and understanding why we feel the way we do can show us our values. The more I learned to pay attention to my emotions the more I began to understand myself and how to keep my emotions in check. Cause although we can use our emotions as data they aren’t directives to control and dictate what I do.
I have learned to own my emotions and thoughts as they pass by. I don’t have to act them out or hold them to great importance. Thoughts and feelings come and go, but I don’t have to fixate on them. They can exist and be whatever they are.
In my journey of self-discovery and understanding, I began to acutely pay attention to my emotions. I noticed that I had a strange discomfort around my marginalized peers and friends. Upon deep self-reflection, I found that the discomfort stemmed from a lack of understanding of their current context. I knew that they have gone through so much as a community and I didn’t know what that meant for them now. So I delve into and submerged myself into civil rights, interactions with my peers, and hard conversations about discrimination, racism, and stereotypes. Now, I’ve found a passion for serving and getting resources to marginalized communities.
So to conclude, Know that college and higher education have been and continue to be a space to share controversial thoughts and try to understand different perspectives. It’s about growing into the person you want to be, sharing thoughts in a respectful manner, and learning different ways to do things and seeing life.