There are motorcycles and vacation spots and hair dye for mid-life crises, but manufacturers and travel agents failed to make an outlet for mid-college crises. I looked on Amazon and eBay to no avail. There wasn’t a thing to help the sleepless nights, worried days, and seemingly endless weeks.
Surprisingly, this crisis has been shadowing me for years, hovering over my shoulder and springing up during certain moments of passion, anger, and sadness. Passion, because I’ve realized one of my main goals in life…something that’ll have me jumping out of bed in the morning and “working” happily until past sundown at night. Anger, because I realize that I’ll fall short of this goal if I don’t hone it down. Sadness, because I hate the thought of leaving anyone behind. My goal is simple. I want to save the world.
Now, you may assume that you understand the sleepless nights & worried days & dragging weeks, but the connection to my college experience may not be clear. While every school has faults, every good school also has a powerhouse of strengths. Pomona has an above 90{53c6eff5ce19621f7316832cfedf08caab022021f1679c62c3f44b8900ceaf72} acceptance rate post-grad into medical, law, and graduate school. Over 50{53c6eff5ce19621f7316832cfedf08caab022021f1679c62c3f44b8900ceaf72} of our student body travels abroad, and we’ve graduated individuals who work for Wall Street, own businesses, and have started their own corporations. The dining halls have a variety of food, and we serve the coolest plate of cheeses and fruit at special events. We have special foreign language housing, Gold-rated environmental buildings, and small professor-to-student ratios. But those are only the logistics, the nice things that we list on our admissions brochure and tell people during campus tours. Here’s how the school has managed to mess me up.
Pomona College offers so many opportunities to broaden your understanding of the world and reach beyond yourself that you’ll begin or be further incited to extend compassion to others. Involvement in campus events, talks, and programs puts you in danger of having a personal transformation that’ll rock your boat and open your eyes. Mama always told me that I have a good heart, but some of these classes and programs have strengthened and inflamed my mind and soul.
For those of you who haven’t thought about it yet, saving the world is quite a task. Very time and energy consuming, lacks a clear beginning, middle, or end…is seemingly…impossible. But “giving up” isn’t an option either, so what to do…what to do…
Enter—mid-college crisis. I’d like to wrap up this blog, but I can’t end with this dilemma just sitting mid-page, so let me end with this: three or four years ago, I helped others on a regular basis, but I was also highly focused on helping myself get where I wanted to go…college. When I arrived, my focus shifted and I wanted more than anything to be successful and return for sophomore year. My junior year is approaching and I’m thankfully situated at Pomona. I’ll be back next year, and in May 2013, I’ll walk across that stage and graduate. The opportunities here have blessed me in that I don’t have to worry as much about my future. I’m connected with amazing faculty, involved in summer programs, as well as initiated preparation for graduate school. I can think about the question, “So what?” So what will I do with this degree… who will I serve…how will I save the world?
My response: I’m not sure right now. And that’s okay, because I’m more than sure that I will be helping SOMEONE and most likely, a whole lot of someone’s. And I will put my effort and energy into a worthwhile cause, whether that’s through teaching, mentoring, or a combination of both. I’ve started sleeping at night again. I dream about the big picture of everything I want to do, and when I wake up, I’m thankful for the day at hand…and I focus on what I can do…in that day. Some days are still worried, but only because the weeks aren’t endless & I start to wonder…will I have enough time?
So, thank you, Pomona College, for giving me more courage to strive. And thank you, readers & bloggers & change-makers, for helping me sleep at night. I realized that I don’t need to worry about “enough time” because amazing students and people, like you, will be working for change after me, continuing to do good and helping others.