College is sort of like a roller coaster. A roller coaster with unexpected ups and downs. Let me tell you, my Sophomore year of college has been a transformative year so far. I’m pretty sure I have experienced the whole range of the spectrum.

Phase 1: I got accepted to Yale SMDEP. If you’ve read my past blogs then you might have noticed that I am stubbornly stuck like Velcro to the dream that is the Pre-Med dream. Oh god, I can’t believe I wrote that. Being pre-med is…is…it’s something else let me tell you BUT I won’t rant about that now. ANYWAY, I’m premed and fortunately I got into this amazing summer program that I absolutely cannot wait for. I was a nervous wreck the whole of the Decision Day but I felt so incredibly happy when I found out that I got accepted into the sites I had applied to. So yeah, that was phase one: extreme happiness.

Phase 2: Oh boy, this one is going to have to be titled ‘confusion’. Some days I just don’t know if I have free time because A) I’m awesome at time management or if B)it’s me being lazy. I still haven’t quite figured that out but that is what the major theme of sophomore year is: figuring things out. I am figuring out how to handle school, and myself. I am really trying to get to know myself. And you know what I’ve found out? I kind of, really, sort of, don’t KNOW myself. I’ve been so used to living on autopilot that now that I’m trying to be self-aware it’s so…weird. I’ve gone to therapy, I’m figuring this out you guys. This would just about wrap up phase 2: confusion

Phase 3: This paragraph is going to be intensely difficult, and cathartic, to write but I think this has a nugget of truth that might help someone through a similar situation. Okay here goes: my grandmother passed away one week ago. To give you some context, I was just wrapping up my midterms when I found out the news. It is not easy and I do not know how I made it through that day. Grief comes at you in waves. It’s not like in movies in which actors and actresses, looking unrealistically perfect, cry a river and *poof* they’re fine. Nope nope nope. Grief will recede, and then sneak up on you when you don’t want it there. It can be really difficult to deal with grief and school at the same time, at least it was for me. It is not easy but strong is what we have to be in situations like this. But allow me to be clear and say that being strong does not mean that you can’t cry. Being strong is waking up in the morning and deciding that today will be a good day and gosh darnit you’re going to shower and get out of bed even if it kills you. Okay, I might be getting carried away here but you get the idea. Such is phase three: Sorrow.

Well there you go, three phases. I’ve had a lot of in between ups and downs but if I were to write them all down you’d have a memoir that is bound to be a New York Time’s bestseller and you guys….. I just can’t deal with that fame right now.

In all seriousness, hang in there. Enjoy the rollercoaster and hang on tight. You’ll be alright. You know why?

Because I said so.