As I hugged my mom one last time at the airport, I took one last look at the scenery beyond the large window panes. “My new life starts now.” I thought to myself.
My first year of college was extraordinary to me. It represented the materialization of a fantasy that I thought would never come true. It represented sitting on green lawns between academic buildings, while gracefully making new friends, just how they pictured it in the pamphlets. It represented experimenting with new haircuts, piercings, clothes; a moratorium in which I could do no wrong. It represented the availability of infinite knowledge, where every breath would bring me a new lesson. It represented freedom from the status quo, a rare chance into a life that many like me are denied to because of race and socioeconomic status.
When I got here it was all of that. The brochures didn’t lie. The University of Rochester is beautiful and empowers all of its students with unlimited potential. Unfortunately, I think I may have lied…to myself.
I forgot that real life still goes on while I’m here. The world keeps turning. And though I reached my goal of getting to college, there’s still so much more ahead. I guess I just thought once I got here everything would just be perfect. No more worrying about my future. I have no example to follow, I’m the first one in my family to go to college, I’m the first one to have options. I feel like a prisoner whose cuffs have just been removed.
I thought everything would fall into place after this, because I managed to get here, and that was my biggest goal throughout middle school and high school. Now that I’m here, I feel a little lost…What’s next? What’s the next big goal that I will fight tooth and nail to achieve?
It remains undetermined. The scariest part about growing up is figuring out the goal. Figuring out the goal and determining whether that goal is realistic is scary. Do I limit myself and aim for a realistic goal just because everyone says it is that way? Do I really want to be a high school counselor or do I just say that I’d like to be that because I absolutely know I can easily do it with my skills? Or do I aim for a dream that is unconventional, that is guaranteed to bring me many failures but perhaps make me happier than I could ever imagine?
It remains undetermined. But whatever it is, I’ll be sure to make it happen.
With hopes and dreams intact,
—
Alexis