It’s November, and I’m tired in that way that doesn’t always show up on your face, but sits in your chest. The kind of tiredness where your brain is full but foggy. Where you’re behind on everything and somehow still doing too much.
Midterms came and went, and I’m still feeling the weight of them. At this point in the semester, I’m running on caffeine, adrenaline, and the occasional 2 AM playlist that convinces me I’ve still got this.
Now, Fall Break is just around the corner. Everyone keeps saying, “You must be excited to go home!” but the truth is complicated.
For me, going home doesn’t always mean rest. For a lot of first-gen students, “break” doesn’t feel like a break. It’s emotional labor. It’s showing up for family members who may or may not understand what you’re going through at school. It’s catching up on work, babysitting, working your old job to make a little money, and being surrounded by people who love you but still don’t quite get you. Sometimes, it’s not being able to go home at all.
Some years, I went home and it felt comforting. Some years, it just reminded me how far I’ve drifted from the version of me they remember. This year, I’m trying to make space for rest somewhere. Even if I don’t get a full week off. Even if my family needs me. Even if my brain keeps whispering, “You should be doing more, Toni.”
Right now, I’m learning to set more boundaries. Not just with other people, but also with myself. It’s so easy to fall into the trap of treating every spare moment like a productivity opportunity. Like, “Finally, I can catch up on those readings, that resume, those emails.” But breaks from school aren’t meant to be backup homework time. They’re meant to break the pattern of burnout.
So, this break, I’m giving myself permission to rest. To nap in the middle of the day, watch shows I’ve been putting off, sit and relax without trying to be “useful.” Even if I don’t get the chance to rest as much, or that rest is interrupted by life, I know I took some of my break to relax. That’s better than not resting at all.
If you’re reading this as a fellow first-gen student, here’s your reminder: you don’t need to earn your rest. You don’t need to justify why you’re tired. You are allowed to be human over break. Whether you’re going home, staying on campus, working, resting, isolating, or reconnecting with old friends, your rest and recharge methods are valid.
Be gentle with yourself. Set the boundary. Don’t open the laptop, journal, or binder just because it’s there. You’ve made it through most of the semester. That alone is something worth pausing for.
I hope you all have a wonderful and restful break!
– Toni <3