It’s the start of the new year, and honestly? I’m not interested in becoming a “new me.” I know this is the season where everyone starts posting goals and vision boards and the “new year, new me!” captions. I get the appeal, as there’s something comforting about the idea of wiping the slate clean.
However, I’m realizing I don’t want to erase who I’ve been just to feel like I’m worthy of the future I want. I don’t want to reinvent myself out of shame or burnout or the fear that I haven’t done enough, because I have done enough. I’ve been enough, even on the days when I didn’t believe or feel like it.
The truth is, I’m tired of chasing transformation just to keep up with the world around me. As a first-gen student, there’s always this underlying pressure to outgrow yourself as quickly as possible. To be polished, professional, and unrecognizable from the version of you that struggled. But… what if I don’t want to be unrecognizable? What if I just want to be real?
This year, I’m not setting goals that revolve around productivity or output. I’m not trying to build a hustle schedule. I’m not promising to wake up at 5 a.m. and meditate and drink green juice and magically fix my life like previous years. Instead, I’m focusing on the things that feel good, keep me grounded, and make me feel human.
Here’s some of what I am doing:
- Choosing happiness over perfection.
- I don’t need to be sharper or more efficient. I want to be kind to myself. I want to feel things and rest and not apologize for it.
- Prioritizing joy, even when it feels selfish.
- Things like watching comfort shows and movies, going on walks, dancing in my room, singing along to my favorite songs on my playlists, and calling people who make me laugh makes me happy. The things that make me feel joy matters too.
- Setting boundaries that don’t require an explanation.
- If something drains me, I’m stepping away. I don’t owe everyone access to my energy or time.
- Letting growth be slow and messy.
- There’s no timeline for healing. There’s no deadline for becoming whole. Growth and healing takes time, and I’m fine with taking as long as I need.
I’m still the same person who cried in the stairwell last semester, overwhelmed and afraid they were falling behind. I’m also the same person who made it through finals, who showed up for her friends, who kept moving forward even when it hurt. I don’t want to bury my past and current self under a list of resolutions. I want to thank them. I want to take her with me.
So, if you’re feeling pressure to change everything about yourself just because the calendar year changed, take a breath. You’re allowed to be the same you, growing in your own time. You don’t need a new name, a new body, or a new routine to be worthy of rest and celebration.
You’re already enough. You’ve already come so far. That’s enough for now.
– Toni <3