I graduated this month. Honestly, I keep saying it and still don’t fully believe it.
I’m officially a college graduate! I had a double major and graduated as a first-generation, Black, and queer alum of Susquehanna University. I walked the stage, took the photos, and smiled until my cheeks hurt. Underneath it all, I’m still trying to process what it actually means.
Graduation is strange. People expect you to feel one thing, like joy, relief, or pride, but the truth is that I’m feeling everything all at once. Of course I feel joy! Yeah, I have so much pride, but I also feel grief, exhaustion, and a quiet kind of sadness I didn’t expect. Although this chapter is over, I’m still carrying the weight of what it took to get here.
I think about all the versions of me who didn’t think I’d make it. The freshman who cried in the dining hall bathroom because the FAFSA still made no sense. The sophomore who walked across campus feeling invisible. The junior who wanted to drop everything and disappear. The senior who nearly did. I think about them, and I want to hug them. I want to say, “You did it. You made it. I’m so sorry you had to fight so hard just to survive.”
For me, this journey wasn’t just about academics or the degree(s). It included late-night breakdowns, pretending I was okay when I wasn’t, fighting to focus in class when life outside of it felt like too much, and smiling despite the challenges. The journey was answering questions like, “Are you sure law school is for someone like you?” with forced grace, skipping parties and hangouts to revise my resume, and mentoring students while barely holding myself together. This journey was full of love, loss, loneliness, healing, becoming someone I’m proud of, which is someone I don’t fully recognize yet.
Despite the odds stacked against me, I did it.
I walked for my younger self, my family, and my future. I walked for every first-gen student who thinks “I don’t know if I belong here.” You do. You do. Even when you’re tired, broke, or when nobody around you understands why you’re pushing so hard. You still belong, and you’re going to get to this milestone, too.
If you’re about to graduate: take it in. Let yourself feel all of it. Let the tears fall. Let the joy land. Don’t rush to “what’s next?” right away. Breathe. You earned this.
If you’re still on the way to graduation, keep going. One class, email, and anxiety attack at a time. You’re not falling behind. You’re not alone. You are worthy of celebration right now, not just when you cross the stage.
As for me? I don’t have it all figured out yet, but I’m walking forward. Slowly, softly, and proudly, because I did this, and I know I’m just getting started.
– Toni <3