As a sophomore, I’m placed in a precarious position. I am not the “new” or the “fresh”. I am not the exciting because there are new kids in town to replace our spots as first-year students. I am now in the position of being a part of the ever-famous, forgotten club that most people call “sophomores”. Sure, we’re still a part of the community that is our college campus and we are an important piece of the puzzle. We just aren’t as important as we were.

Nevertheless, this year, classes are harder. They’re no longer random, general requirements but are instead more focussed on what I want to do with my life (or so I thought). With this comes apprehension. Apprehension for change. Apprehension in terms of fully committing to the chosen major written on paper. Regardless of this apprehension, though, I have to continue with the commitment I made not too long ago, to stick to my chosen major and graduate in four years. We all have things we have to do.

With sophomore year comes more questions about what I’m going to do with my life. It brings questions about what kind of person I am and what I want to be later. Just today, as I was sitting in my PSY 201 class, we were asked about how we could be better psychology students. I rose my hand and told my professor: “I could become a better student by confessing my confusion and not being afraid to show people weakness.” She was shocked at my honesty, yet still appreciative of my response. By confessing to this group of students that I was confused, I was greeted internally with thought after thought about what I want.

The truth is that even after an entire year in college, I am not sure what I want to do. I am not sure whether or not college is the right thing for me or even if I am right for this kind of environment. I am not sure if these next few years will be worth all of the pain, work, and sleepless nights that have encompassed this year thus far. The fact I have not yet exposed: I just don’t know.

After thinking about this, I have realized that these feelings of fear only come from the fact that no one in my bloodline before me has done what I am doing now. I am in uncharted, unfamiliar territory, and it is scary. There’s no doubt about it. But that does not make the fear any less consuming.

One thing I’ve learned from this past month of sophomore year is that finding yourself is not a destination. Questioning the path of life is something I am dealing with, but I have learned that questioning is okay, so long as finding the answer doesn’t involve losing yourself.

Sophomore year is a learning experience in many different ways, but it is all in doing differently that you begin enacting change.