I have to confess…I failed to set any New Year’s Resolutions for this upcoming year. I don’t have my usual slip of paper with five or seven things written down that I’d like to improve, and I didn’t even commit to trying to lose that extra-comfortable ten pounds sitting on my hips. On Christmas Eve, my grandma in Indiana passed away. At the time, I was actually visiting my maternal grandmother in Kansas who I hadn’t seen in about six years. Soon after arriving back home in Arkansas, my boyfriend and I did an overnight drive up to Indiana to arrive in time for the early afternoon funeral on New Year’s Eve. The trip was unexpected and hurried; due to timing circumstances, we were forced to leave near eleven on a Friday night to arrive on a Saturday morning for the same-day funeral. The drive kept both of us from sleeping, and this was the first time I’d brought anyone “home to meet the family.” Getting dressed for the funeral, we also found out that we were both horrible at ironing dress shirts. The funeral was beautiful, my family was thankful that we had made it, and I felt blessed to be there. Near midnight, we stood outside listening to the firecrackers explode and counted down to 2012 together. I was reminded again to be thankful for the present moment rather than always thinking and planning for the future.
When I think back over 2011, I’m proud of the grades I earned in school and the extra work I did on campus and with fellow students. My summer with the McNair Scholars Program was amazing; I was able to take the GRE and start researching graduate schools and programs that I might apply to in a few semesters. During first semester, my role as a Head Sponsor was challenging but rewarding—I’d never felt so focused and in control, socially and academically. Over Christmas break, I was able to get my first car and I’m looking forward to setting up summer work plans and thinking about graduate school. With the support of family back home and mentors on campus, my time at Pomona has allowed me to think about the future with optimism. However, I have to catch myself from always thinking about tomorrow rather than living in today. When I saw my grandma in Indiana over Thanksgiving break, it never occurred to me that it would be my last time seeing her, or that I’d be driving back up there so soon. I remember telling her that school was going well and joking with her about my dad, but I never thought to ask about how her year had been or what her college experience had been like. I’m not generally a “think back & regret” type person since I’m not sure how productive that can be, but I did tell myself to stop thinking about the winter and summer breaks at home as temporary reprieves…since they make up just as much of my “four college years” as the semesters that I spend at Pomona.
So I guess in the end, I do have resolution for 2012. I want to live it…be “in it” every moment, even if that means taking a nap in the middle of the afternoon or going to a late movie with my best friend at the town’s local theater. In thinking that we always have tomorrow, we sometimes miss out on what we have today.