The last semester of my undergrad career has officially begun (albeit while temporarily conducted through a computer screen). I guess a part of me is supposed to feel really ecstatic to have made it as far as I have. And I’m certain that below the ball of anxiousness sitting in the pit of my stomach like a rock…there is much cause for celebration and excitement.
But my nervousness—rather, hesitation—currently feels like an elephant being pressed into a small room. Or, if you’re a Disney-lover like me (guilty as charged for using the Encanto soundtrack as a mode of procrastination), the bundle of nerves feels more like a very large Alice whose limbs are spilling out of a tiny house. Cramped, uncomfortable, and panicking.
Everywhere I turn someone is asking me: What’s next?
And despite all the work I’ve put into the last four years of my life, my mind goes completely blank. What IS next? I’ve been asking myself that question all summer when reality finally began to set in that I was no longer a carefree freshmen figuring out the twists and turns of college life. I continued to raise this question as the fall semester slid by my eyes much faster than I anticipated. And sitting here now—two weeks into the spring semester of my senior year–I still wonder the same.
It’s not that I don’t know what I want to do. In fact, there are many things I wish to do. There always have been many things I’ve wished to do. That’s not the problem.
You see, I have this fear of the unknown. And I know I’m not alone in this because some of my friends feel the same. What do you do when you have all of these big dreams and ideas and the very thought of having to navigate them by yourself terrifies you?
Well, this is where I remind myself that naturally, change is terrifying. This is not to say that change is a bad thing. What I’m feeling, what my friends are feeling, and what you may be feeling as you’re thinking about college and the future, is completely valid. The overhanging question of what comes next is one that will never truly go away.
So, I’ve found that things like this are better handled when you confront them head on.
Instead of freaking out because the semester feels like it’s leaving just as quickly as it has come, I’m deciding to take it one step at a time. When the ball begins to expand, I ask myself a host of questions: Where does this fear stem from? Why does change feel so scary and jarring? What’s truly so bad about change?
From there, I begin to work through what I know for certain. Sure, change is inevitable. It’s out of one’s control. Sometimes, it happens so fast that if you blink you just might miss it.
But it’s necessary for growth. It makes the world spin around and around. It pushes us to become better versions of ourselves. It’s uncomfortable at times, but in the end you’ll look back and see how far you’ve come and smile.
Change takes us on adventures, and like Alice, we’ll realize that staying in Wonderland wasn’t ever truly the plan. Eventually, we grow up and we carry the things we’ve learned on our journey with us as we brave the real world.
So with this I say good luck to those working on their applications, to those running towards the finish line, and to those opening doors to the next chapter of your life!
You got this! We got this!
-A’Daja