Hello to everyone reading. My name is Eyzel Torres and I am a senior at the University of Illinois at Chicago. A little about myself; I grew up in a suburb of Chicago with parents who drilled the idea of higher education into my being. This value in education comes from a long and complicated history on behalf of both my parents- essentially, they were not able to pursue their goals of attending university. My mother grew up in a home that also valued education but due to circumstance, she moved to the US when she was 16 and was forced to quit school. She eventually got her GED many years later and no words could ever describe how proud I am of her for following that dream. My dad, on the other hand, did not finish high school but always pushed my mom to fulfill her dreams of an education- even when it was not always feasible for them and he was not able to do so himself.
I am the middle child. I have an older brother, older sister, younger brother, and younger sister. We grew up listening to my parents give us the same speech over and over and over and over and over and over again. “School is the key to success,” they would say and could never let us forget. Luckily for me, I loved school anyways. I loved math, science, reading, writing, and everything in between because I enjoyed exploring new knowledge and information. So to me, school came easy and putting in the countless hours of work, time, and energy was so worth it- without a doubt! Thanks to that determination and the support from my family, I will be the first among them to finally graduate from a university.
Although I am proud of myself for how far I’ve gotten, the journey has been very hard and really intimidating at times. I was pretty confident in my abilities when I was in high school but college was a whole different ballpark. I didn’t know anything about anything when I started; how to apply to a university, file the fafsa, what a major was, how classes are structured, or how to interact in a professional manner (among many other things). It was definitely alienating at times because I felt as if I did not belong in a higher education institution- in short, I felt incapable of succeeding in that type of setting. I struggled a lot because I felt alone more than anything. Who could I turn to for help? Aside from advisors and professors, I couldn’t think of anyone who could guide me through the process and even with them, I never felt comfortable disclosing my feelings. I also felt beyond embarrassed of my lack of knowledge because everyone around me seemed to know what they were doing and I just didn’t want to be singled out as the only person who was lost.
I’m not sure how long it took me to start feeling comfortable asking questions but I eventually did start. And opening up about my experience helped me seek further help and was, at the very least, a way for me to let those things out instead of bottling them up the way I had been doing. My biggest advice for anyone who is struggling with those feelings of confusion, loneliness, and not being good enough is to step out of your comfort zone and ask for help. It may be scary at first but it will eventually become easier. Talking about those feelings is also beneficial because you might find a community with the same types of doubts and maybe even find support and advice through them. Even if it is not a community of first generation students like yourself, finding any community is good. Try to join clubs and organizations, study groups, jobs on campus, etc. where you can meet peers like yourself and start to feel that sense of belonging that is so crucial for succeeding in higher education.