It’s finals season, and I’m holding it together with sheer willpower, manifestation, a RedBull, and my zillionth cup of tea. The library’s packed, the group chats are dry, and every conversation starts with “How much sleep did you get?” followed by mutual dead-eyed nods when the response is, “Not much.” I’m writing this post in between deadlines, hoping I’m not forgetting anything, while I probably am missing something right now.
December always feels like a weird collision between urgency, endings, and reflection. Everyone’s sprinting toward the end of the semester and the end of the year, but we’re also looking back at everything that’s happened. The moments we survived, and the classes we barely scraped through. The people who showed up for us when we were too proud (or too scared) to ask for help, and the people we had to let go of this year.
I won’t lie, this semester has been a lot. Yeah, I’ve grown, but I’ve learned that growth doesn’t always look like blooming. Sometimes it looks like you’re barely hanging on. Sometimes it’s crying in a bathroom stall and then going to class anyway, or submitting an assignment late and forgiving yourself for it. Sometimes it’s staying alive when everything in you wants to disappear.
If you’re first-gen, you know that growth often comes with guilt. We’re not just doing this college journey for ourselves, but we’re also doing it for our families, communities, and our younger selves. So, when we stumble, even a little, it feels like failure, but it’s not. We’re allowed to be “weak.” We’re allowed to struggle. We’re allowed to grow slowly.
Here’s what I’m reminding myself of as finals season takes over:
- Rest is part of the process.
- Pulling an all-nighter doesn’t make you more dedicated. If your brain’s fried, it’s not going to absorb anything anyway. Sleep.
- You don’t need to be perfect. You just need to finish.
- Don’t let perfectionism keep you from turning things in. Get it done. Submit. Move on.
- Celebrate the small wins.
- Woke up on time? Win. Ate something green? Win. Didn’t cry today? Massive win.
- You are not your grades.
- I know that’s cliché, especially from someone who was a gifted kid growing up. But your worth doesn’t decrease because of a bad test or low paper grade. You are more than your academic output. I hope you know that.
- Reflect without tearing yourself apart.
- Look back on your past with compassion, not critique. You did what you could with what you had. You can’t blame yourself for past mistakes. Rather, you can grow from them and use those lessons to become better.
As the semester winds down, I’m carrying a lot. Joy, exhaustion, grief, pride. I miss people I haven’t talked to in months. I’m still trying to forgive myself for things I couldn’t finish on time. I’m quietly proud of myself for everything I did finish. I’m learning that growth isn’t always visible. It doesn’t always show up in awards or grades or LinkedIn posts. Sometimes it’s internal, quiet, or sacred.
If you’re crawling toward the end of the semester right now, I understand you. If you’re on the verge of burnout, or past it, you’re not alone. You don’t have to end this month perfectly put-together. You just have to make it through. And that’s more than enough for me.
– Toni <3